$38.99 – A monstrous serpent of bacon arising from a sea of soft scrambled eggs and sour cream foam for dipping. This beast is meant to be defeated by a large table of diners. Only the righteous and mighty can order this beast of an appetizer.

$11.99 – Artificial vegetables made from processed beef-product, tossed in whale oil and grilled to perfection

$9.99 – A smaller version of the meat combrero, meant for one or two people. The fedora is made of jerky and is of the style that Clark Kent would wear.

$39.99 – A traditional Mexican sombrero made from various types of jerky boasting an array meat. You can choose to fill it with sampler portions of other menu items or ask what specialty items the Duke has for the sombrero for the day. Feeds many.

$7.99 – We wrap strips of Mozzarella in thinly sliced tenderloin beef before deep frying them. Served with our signature gravy sauce.

$24.79 – Thin slices of choice round, prepared by our team of highly-trained clowns. After being cooked, the beef is garnished with a dash of beef-cracklin confetti and is served with a decorative intestine balloon.

$13.99 – German style tube steaks

$12.99 – Meat hacked fresh off the cow, cooked in the style of old frontier Texans

$9.99 – Patented Duke Guapos miniature pork wursts banked inside a blanket of ground beef and egg.

$10.99 – Seared meat in a style reminiscant of boiler room workers’ improvised use the boiler’s incredible heat

$159.99 – We waste nothing from the cow in this chef’s specialty. A cow is freshly butchered on site. Various cuts of meat from the cow are cooked to perfection including filet minion, brisket, short ribs, and the loin. The customer’s foot characteristics are measured, and the skin of the cow is turned into a pair of custom-made boots. Once the boots are put together, they are filled with the cooked meats. Once the meat has been consumed, the boots are ready to wear out of the store.

$49.99 – It is so named because it is the conqueror of all meats, and many meats descend from it! A seven pound portion of angus beef; well-marbled, lightly spiced, and cooked rare.

$32.99 – Enjoy the impossible experience of eating the mythical unicorn. Infant horses are raised, from birth, to believe they are unicorns. A small cone is duct-taped to the nose of the foal, at birth, to simulate a unicorn horn. The horn “grows” as the horse does. As the “unicorn” grows up, it indoctrinated to believe it is a unicorn using the latest brainwashing techniques. The faux-unicorn also receives unicorn etiquette and comportment training. Porterhouse unicorn steaks are harvested when the horse is two-years old, having graduated from “unicorn university”. Served with a rainbow colored unicorn pan gravy sauce.

$17.99 – Only the finest North American black bear. We take farm raised black bear, bred for their aggressiveness and lightly batter the breast meat for deep frying in the finest whale oil. The stress hormones from the bear’s anger makes the meat especially tender. Served with a bear fat pan gravy and a side of fatty bear rind chips.

$17.99 – Hummus made from minced hare meat, whale oil, and goat paste; baked under low heat. Comes with ostrich chips for dipping.

$17.99 – Alternating layers of shaved bison and assorted cheese smothered in cream and baked in the oven to perfection

$17.99 – Man venison filet topped with a peppery blood sauce

$7.99 – Ice cream, made fresh each day (flavors vary) served in a freshly fried bacon cone

$7.99 – Classic mousse made with eggs, cream, and Pacific ocean plankton

$6.99 – Fresh old-fashioned custard carrying a payload of candied pork fats.

$11.99 – Ground turkey marinated in concentrated lime juice and mixed with an golden hawk egg. Turkey tartare comes with a side of thinly sliced moose jerky for spreading or dipping. This dish should not be eaten by the excessively young, the excessively elderly, the immunocomprimised, or the weak-willed.

$5.99 – Chicken breast meat in our homemade broth with baked pressed quail thigh noodles

$7.99 – This classic dish features all-beef lettuce with chunks of tender pork and vennison jerky croutons.

$29.00 – Turn the tables on brutal piranha. We render the piranha meat off the bone with our patented piranha skelatonization process before using the piranha meat paste to make a delicate piranha linquini which is tossed with oysters and a cream sauce. We garnish the plate with a piranha jaw.

Market Price – Classic sushi rolls filled with salmon captured on the way to the spawning grounds topped with hot wasabi foam. Some say consuming salmon in such a state is cruel and unecessary. We say it increases virility. You decide! Either way, it is good eats.

Market Price – Flesh of farm raised hammer head shark fed nothing but the finest lobster and given daily massages

$29.99 – We buy the belly meat of golden eagles, harvested using simple subterfuge. Discount shopping circulars are distributed in the area surrounding the eagles’ habitat, advertising a sale on the bulk purchase of mice at the pet store. Eagles cannot turn down a good bargain. They are easily felled when approaching the fake storefront. We fry the eagle belly meat until crisp and serve it with a Hollendaise sauce made from eagle egg yolks.

$27.99 – A freshly defeathered duck has its skin mechanically separated from the body before being dropped in a fryer, but not before a wire underframe is used to pose the duck in a flight position. The loose skin provides a crispy container for the flesh underneath. Using a sugar derived from duck fat, we then glaze the duck before serving.

$27.99 – We import some of the best Turkey and Cock fighting champions in the world and make them fight for your entertainment, tom versus rooster. The loser is your dinner.

$15.99 – Pepperoni topped with classic French style mousse of duck livers, fattened by feeding the ducks cow lard.

$22.99 – Peruvian poison frogs are taken from the forest and soaked in a brine substance until just enough of the halucination inducing poisons have seeped into the liquid to induce a good time. The brine is bottled directly from the vat. We serve a martini which is shaken, not stirred, that will stir you up!

$18.99 – Highly prized Chocoku hummingbirds are harvested and marinated in distilled water and meat starch. After a three year fermentation process, the resulting liquor is thrice filtered. The resulting libration is best taken as a shot.

$7.99 – Fermented horse mare milk, doctored with our patented blend of spices which will heat you up, only to have the milk cool you down. Served cold, with or without ice.

$11.99 – When life gives you meat, make meat lemonade.