Hare Hummus

$17.99 – Hummus made from minced hare meat, whale oil, and goat paste; baked under low heat. Comes with ostrich chips for dipping.

Bison au Gratin

$17.99 – Alternating layers of shaved bison and assorted cheese smothered in cream and baked in the oven to perfection

Piranha Pasta

$29.00 – Turn the tables on brutal piranha. We render the piranha meat off the bone with our patented piranha skelatonization process before using the piranha meat paste to make a delicate piranha linquini which is tossed with oysters and a cream sauce. We garnish the plate with a piranha jaw.

Hot Salmon Rolls in Heat

Market Price – Classic sushi rolls filled with salmon captured on the way to the spawning grounds topped with hot wasabi foam. Some say consuming salmon in such a state is cruel and unecessary. We say it increases virility. You decide! Either way, it is good eats.

Tuben-brat

$13.99 – German style tube steaks

Texas Hack Steak

$12.99 – Meat hacked fresh off the cow, cooked in the style of old frontier Texans

Pigs in a Meat Blanket

$9.99 – Patented Duke Guapos miniature pork wursts banked inside a blanket of ground beef and egg.

Boiler Beef

$10.99 – Seared meat in a style reminiscant of boiler room workers’ improvised use the boiler’s incredible heat

Meat Boots

$159.99 – We waste nothing from the cow in this chef’s specialty. A cow is freshly butchered on site. Various cuts of meat from the cow are cooked to perfection including filet minion, brisket, short ribs, and the loin. The customer’s foot characteristics are measured, and the skin of the cow is turned into a […]

Turkey Tartare

$11.99 – Ground turkey marinated in concentrated lime juice and mixed with an golden hawk egg. Turkey tartare comes with a side of thinly sliced moose jerky for spreading or dipping. This dish should not be eaten by the excessively young, the excessively elderly, the immunocomprimised, or the weak-willed.